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What Does Boundaries Mean

Ambila Answers Segment

Thursdays @ 10.00am

I was asked a strange questions a few weeks ago when I was talking to a client about boundaries – they said what are boundaries?

It’s amazing what assumptions you make in life – because as a coach it’s something we trained in knowing about. Yet prior to becoming a coach – I would have asked for the same clarification – What are boundaries.

We all understand the word ‘BOUNDARIES’

  • So when you go out to your garden – whether it’s a small patio, to acres of land – you know exactly where your boundaries are to that you your neighbour

  • You know that beyond this fence / wall / hedge – you do not have the freedom to do anything

LET’S LOOK AT GARDEN 1 - A health/secure boundary in your garden is where

- The area is very clear and visually defined fence / wall / hedges

- The fences / walls/ hedges are strong and well maintained

- You & your neighbour know exactly where your borders are and respect each others


Now take the concept of GARDEN 1 being your ‘Personal Boundary’

- you have all this secure defined space

– it’s your protection – your personal space that protects you physically and emotionally

- it indicate to people what you find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour towards you so people do not take for granted or cross the line

LET’S LOOK AT GARDEN 2 - A confused/weak boundary in your garden is where

- The fences / walls/ hedges are not well maintained and maybe falling down

- You might have tried fixes like holding the fence up with a pole that keep collapsing every

time the wind/rain is too strong

- Or you may not have put up any kind of visual barriers to your neighbours garden

- So your neighbour can come and go through your garden whenever they wish – without

seeking permission

- They might even view your garden as an extension to theirs

Now take the concept of GARDEN 2 as your ‘Personal Boundary’ in this scenario

- What immediately comes to mind when you picture this garden

- Well it’s showing that your borders are either non-existent or falling apart

- Well the likelihood will be that people are/do take you for granted and they do not know how

to treat you with respect


If you have Garden 2 – and you want to strengthen your boundaries then

- you will need to start maintaining your walls & fences to keep the people out, who do not treat you with respect

- learn by saying no to the things that you don’t want to do

- if someone is being disrespectful to you then tell them how it makes you feel

- if they continue the behaviour – then distance them from your life

Don’t think/expect your neighbour/other people to be the ones fixing your fences – this one is up to you to do


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