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I was asked a strange questions a few weeks ago when I was talking to a client about boundaries – they said what are boundaries?
It’s amazing what assumptions you make in life – because as a coach it’s something we trained in knowing about. Yet prior to becoming a coach – I would have asked for the same clarification – What are boundaries.
We all understand the word ‘BOUNDARIES’
So when you go out to your garden – whether it’s a small patio, to acres of land – you know exactly where your boundaries are to that you your neighbour
You know that beyond this fence / wall / hedge – you do not have the freedom to do anything
LET’S LOOK AT GARDEN 1 - A health/secure boundary in your garden is where
- The area is very clear and visually defined fence / wall / hedges
- The fences / walls/ hedges are strong and well maintained
- You & your neighbour know exactly where your borders are and respect each others
boundaries
Now take the concept of GARDEN 1 being your ‘Personal Boundary’
- you have all this secure defined space
– it’s your protection – your personal space that protects you physically and emotionally
- it indicate to people what you find acceptable and unacceptable in their behaviour towards you so people do not take for granted or cross the line
LET’S LOOK AT GARDEN 2 - A confused/weak boundary in your garden is where
- The fences / walls/ hedges are not well maintained and maybe falling down
- You might have tried fixes like holding the fence up with a pole that keep collapsing every
time the wind/rain is too strong
- Or you may not have put up any kind of visual barriers to your neighbours garden
- So your neighbour can come and go through your garden whenever they wish – without
seeking permission
- They might even view your garden as an extension to theirs
Now take the concept of GARDEN 2 as your ‘Personal Boundary’ in this scenario
- What immediately comes to mind when you picture this garden
- Well it’s showing that your borders are either non-existent or falling apart
- Well the likelihood will be that people are/do take you for granted and they do not know how
to treat you with respect
WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US
If you have Garden 2 – and you want to strengthen your boundaries then
- you will need to start maintaining your walls & fences to keep the people out, who do not treat you with respect
- learn by saying no to the things that you don’t want to do
- if someone is being disrespectful to you then tell them how it makes you feel
- if they continue the behaviour – then distance them from your life
Don’t think/expect your neighbour/other people to be the ones fixing your fences – this one is up to you to do
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