What's Your Attachment Style
Updated: Jan 11
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Last week I spoke about relationship patterns and today I want to talk about your Attachment Styles we have in a relationship – whether that’s with family, friends, work colleagues.
And this can impact the success of our
relationships or connections to a partner or even finding a partner.
So these patterns of attachment typically are set in childhood (like most patterns) and tend to follow us around wherever we go. This is about how you relate to, pick and connect with your romantic partners.
Your Parents Will Have Significantly Influenced What Your Attachment Style Is
The 4 Attachment Styles
- They tend to be less anxious and more satisfied with your relationships.
- Has an easy time forming connections and has less doubt about the equality of a relationship.
- Are also not afraid to ask for emotional support from their partners, show vulnerability and seek help and have problem-solving ideas
- Tend to worry more about their relationships.
- Are desperate for a fantasy type of love – with prince charming.
- Tend to form a fantasy bond of ideal love – even when this might not be possible or reciprocated.
- Tend to look for a partner who can rescue them or ‘complete’ them.
- And as a result their desperation sometimes can push away the exact person they want closeness with.
- When they are afraid of losing their partner, they can become clingy, possessive, paranoid, or need constant attention and reassurance
- Tend to be emotionally distant from their partners.
- They are proud of their independence and keeping it
- They can see attachment as a weakness.
- They are not as attentive as their partners because they worry they will become too co-dependent, and this will take away their independence.
- They like to process emotions on their own and don’t like to share vulnerabilities with anyone else.
- These people tend to pull away when they need help most.
- They also can shut down emotionally during arguments or close themselves off from feelings
- They live in an unclear mindset where they swing from being afraid of connection to over analysing the equality or depth of their relationships.
- They tend to get overwhelmed easily and have unpredictable moods. At one moment they can smother their partner and at the next they can disappear for a day or two without explanation.
Like last week – it’s important for you to understand your attachment style and to know that this was set in motion in your early years and as an adult you have just learnt to cope and build upon it.
No matter what your style is – you are not restricted by it. But knowing what it is – gives you a base you can build upon to fix your own insecurities so that you can develop a more secure foundation for the relationship you want – whether you are in one or are seeking one.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship or perfect partner. It’s all about you having a willingness to do the inner work so that you can keep growing into a deeper love instead of doubting or dismissing it.