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I get asked this question quite a lot by the
women that I have worked with – they always say that we seem to do a lot more of he wants and not a lot of the things that I like. What should I do?
So I ask - Have you told him that? – eh no
So what am I talking about here – it’s about getting your needs met in a relationship?
So needs are things like appreciation, understanding, being heard, acknowledgement and respect, trust, loyalty; and these needs will vary from person to person.
It’s what I call the problem areas to a relationship because if your needs are not getting met – then you may need to look at your own self or the relationship itself.
Think about your past relationships. Do you remember at any time where your needs were
ignored?
If you looked back on all your past relationships – you will probably see a pattern emerge that revolves around not getting one or more of your needs met.
We can fool ourselves into thinking that I’m a giver, we need to compromise and just sweep
things under the carpet and not have the difficult conversations (now that is a whole new topic in itself)
So I just want to give you some steps to help you
The first thing to do is understand what your own needs are. If you do not have a clear idea of your needs than, how can you expect someone else to meet them?
Look at which needs you feel are not being met. Do you often feel unappreciated, unheard, misunderstood or disrespected?
Ask yourself the following questions:
What is the emotional need that you would · like to have met?
Is this need being met in this relationship?
How does it feel when this need is not met?
How does it feel when this need is met?
Are you meeting this need in yourself? If so, how?
Are you meeting this need in others? (If your need is appreciation, for example, do you regularly appreciate others or do you hold back appreciation?)
What can you do in order to fulfil this need in yourself?
What are the words you like to hear in order to fulfil this need?
What are the actions that you like to experience to fulfil this need? (For example, receiving flowers or a card makes you feel appreciated.)
Once you know what your needs are the sit down with your partner and talk about the importance of meeting your needs in the relationship.
The best approach to take in this conversation is to talk from a place of sharing more love rather than pointing out a problem or complaining about the relationship.
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